Trust in You

I won't lie. Today's appointment was difficult for me. Not really sure what I was expecting but I walked out feeling a bit blindsided. I met with a neurosurgeon today. He looked over my MRI scans, bloodwork, asked about my history, etc. The term he used to describe my pituitary stalk was "grossly enlarged". He said it still could be an array of different things but he did not believe it was lymphocytic hypophysitis by the look of the scans. (That was the condition my endocrinologist was leaning towards.) He said it could still be an inflammatory autoimmune disease or some sort of tumor. He also said it is possible it is not a pituitary tumor at all but actually a brain tumor that has settled into my pituitary. This has never been on the table before and quite frankly scared me. He said the first thing he wanted to do was a lumbar puncture and some more blood work to see if anything shows up. If nothing shows up, he said he would definitely want to do a biopsy. The impression I always got from my endocrinologist was that the biopsy was risky but it didn't mean I would lose all function of my pituitary. My neurosurgeon said because I've already lost my anti-diuretic hormone and my sex hormones, I would be guaranteed to lose the rest by doing the biopsy. Which, he said, I'm already headed in that direction anyway. He said he wanted to get on this right away and I agreed. The lumbar puncture was done right there in the office. I should hear back on that in a week.

It was a lot to take in with phrases like brain tumor, loss of all pituitary function, grossly enlarged.... I'm still processing it all. So much still left unknown. I keep trying to go on with my life since this all began a year and 3 months ago but keep getting taken back off track. I continue to have an amazing support group between all my family and friends. My husband has been working 500 miles away for the past month or so. That's been difficult for both of us but I never feel completely on my own. My family and friends are always there for me, near and far. It still blows me away how much you care. Thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

I also keep trusting in my Heavenly Father and Savior whom I know are right by my side and have been since day one. I love the song 'Trust in You' by Lauren Daigle. It describes exactly how I feel so perfectly.

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I've tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You're by my side

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There's not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There's not a place where I'll go
You've not already stood

When You don't move the mountains I'm needing You to move
When You don't part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don't give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!