Goodbyes are hard

As I mentioned before, I tried to start where I first began with running with the Couch to 5k program. Yesterday I would have completed 6 weeks of the program. I got to the point I ran 20 minutes straight with no walking. Every minute was excruciating. My heart rate would be way over the "target heart rate" zone and it would not go back to normal several hours after running. My doctor had me try taking an extra pill I take to replace my cortisol. It didn't make much of a difference. He then thought it was dehydration because of my diabetes insipidus. It got to the point I thought, what am I doing? I'm not even enjoying this. I'm pretty stubborn, and when you tell me I can't do something I do everything I can to prove you wrong. And that's what I was doing. But this was not healthy. My body was trying to tell me to stop but I kept telling it to be quiet. So, as of yesterday, I finally listened. I officially decided to say goodbye to one of my greatest loves in life, running. Tears are actually falling down my face as I'm writing this. This may seem silly to some but running has been a huge part of my life for over 10 years now. It's saying goodbye to more than just the pounding of my feet upon the pavement. Running took me places around the country I wouldn't have otherwise traveled. Seeing a new place while running is completely different than any other mode of transportation. Running taught me I could do hard things and push my body beyond my wildest dreams. Most of my dearest friends I have made as an adult were because of running. I got therapy sessions at least 3 times a week with these friends. Of course, I'll still see them but it's definitely not the same and it will probably sting for a long time whenever running it brought up as a topic for conversation. Running defined who I was. It is usually the very first thing most people asked me about when they saw me. I was the RUNNER. I ran marathons, not only that, I ran the BOSTON MARATHON. Running made me special. My family room in the basement is decorated with a rack of 32 medals. Above it are even more running bibs. Running mugs are meticulously placed on the window sill. Heck, I made a BLOG about running. So, now what?? I don't know. I have found I can still lift weights, walk, and do water aerobics. I still want to be fit. I still want to be strong. But most of all I still want to be healthy.